tardis-mind-palace:

ruthyless:

when i was younger i had a really bad fear of vampires when i was going to sleep so my older brother gave me a watch that he set to like 8 hours ahead so that it was always daytime on the watch when i was asleep and he told me it would confuse the vampires and they would think it was daytime and get scared of the sun and leave me alon

Your brother is the best

guy:

"what happens if u have a boner and u unzip ur pants??"

image

pleatedjeans:

via
christianmingle:

Fortune cookie callin me gay